10 Things I Wish I'd Known About Kids Before Becoming a Mom: Turns Out, Goldfish Crackers Aren’t a Food Group and Toddlers Have an Inbuilt Lie Detector!
So, you’ve just peed on a stick, and surprise! You’re about to embark on the rollercoaster of motherhood. Welcome to the club where the secret password is "Did I remember to brush my teeth today?" Now, don't get me wrong, creating life is a beautiful, transformative thing. But let’s be honest—there are a few things about kids that I wish someone had dropped into casual conversation before I jumped aboard this baby express.
1. Sleep While You Can—No, Seriously
Babies don’t know the luxury of a full night's sleep. They’re like tiny personal fitness trainers, waking you up at ungodly hours for round-the-clock ‘workouts’. I honestly thought I had some inkling of what "tired" was. Spoiler alert: I didn’t.
Pro tip: You’ll never look at a nap the same way again. Cherish it!
2. Goldfish Crackers Aren’t an Official Food Group
Apparently, we’re supposed to extend our culinary horizon beyond 3 packs of mac and cheese and bite-sized cracker fish. Who knew?! If only someone had introduced me to the wonders of Pinterest meal planning before the accidental Goldfish addiction took root.
3. You’ll Need a PhD in C
artoon Characters
Your new major is Paw Patrolology with a minor in Peppa Pig existentialism. Kids’ TV shows will seep into your consciousness, and soon you'll find yourself debating the aerodynamic plausibility of space trains.
Tune in to your child's favorite episodes—it’s both bonding time and surprisingly good for your trivia game.
4. Toddlers Have Inbuilt Lie Detectors
There’s no fooling these mini human polygraphs. A toddler will unearth truths you didn’t know you were hiding. Lied about finishing the chocolate ice cream? Expect a high-pitched “Why you lying?” followed by an accusatory stare.
5. Playdates Are a Whole Adventure
Scheduling a playdate requires the strategic planning skills of a military operation. Coordinating your child’s social calendar is way harder than that marketing job you left.
Just think of it as networking for little humans, and maybe they’ll return the favor someday with scholarships or a Nobel Prize.
6. Silence Isn’t Golden, It’s Suspicious
For some inexplicable reason, the quieter your house gets, the more you need to worry. Silence in a toddler-friendly zone usually means someone is painting their face with peanut butter, or worse.
7. You’ll Become a Smartphone Paparazzo
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Your phone’s photo library will become a living documentary. From the oddly endearing way they drool to that once-in-a-lifetime poop-explosion shot, each moment is captured to embarrass them at future weddings.
8. Bathroom Privacy Is a Distant Memory
Kiss privacy goodbye. You're about to learn how to pee like a secret agent—quickly and often, behind closed doors that refuse to lock properly. At least you won't ever feel lonely again?
9. The World is Made for Small Hands
Be prepared to pick up an existentialist knowledge of every "Why?" question you never imagined existed. You've become the on-demand life coach for a pint-sized philosopher. “Why is the sky blue?” “Why can’t we eat dirt?” Solution: Google is your new best friend.
10. You’ll Never Love As Fiercely or Be This Scared
The combination of abject terror and overwhelming love is your new normal. You'll worry about everything from choking hazards to college savings, while also feeling your heart swell as they fall asleep on your chest.
Feeling inspired to suit up for motherhood? Whether you're expecting or chasing after tiny tornadoes, comfort is key. Check out the fabulous maternity leggings for those bump-loving days or if you're navigating the wilds of postpartum, Mum Tum leggings with perfect support.
So there you have it, fellow mom-to-be. Strap in and enjoy the ride. If this sounds like chaos, it’s because it is. But it’s the most glitter-filled, soft-focus, gut-busting ride you’ll ever take. Welcome to the tribe—where sanity is overrated, and love is abundant! 💖
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